It’s late in the evening and I’m standing at the bus stop. The frequency of buses in the evening is lower than in daytime, even in a larger city. It’s dark and cold and I’m staring at the sign which indicates the minutes left for the bus to arrive. I’m looking at it, wishing time would pass by faster.
People start joining me at the bus stop. They’re young and they all seem to have different backgrounds. I see people from Morocco, Surinam and Turkey. I wonder.. where have you been, working… shopping? It hits me, that I’m the only person over 20 years old who’s not blessed with a beautiful coloured skin… It’s busy in the bus and I look around with curiosity. There’s a group of young men standing at the exit in the bus. There’s a group of young men standing at the exit in the bus, laughing loudly. I notice that I get restless. Will I be able to leave the bus? I will have to pass them to leave… All of a sudden I get a bad feeling. What am I doing? Am I judging? Might I even be discriminating? I look at my own thought.. Would I have had the same feeling if there was a group of old ladies standing there, or mothers with small children???
I’m not pleased with this feeling, which doesn’t suit me. I have friends in all sorts and shapes, cultures and I like that. One of my colleagues gave me the Koran as a present when I left my place of work. I was honoured that he wanted to share his bible with me. I didn’t see that as pushing his thoughts towards me, but more like sharing his most precious self with me.
A few minutes later I hold my bus card at the machine to checkout sticking my hand behind the back of one of the young men. The machine makes a bleeping sound and by hearing that I realized it wasn’t about the young men and their culture… It’s was about the door being blocked and my need to control situations. It might have been any other group and I would have had the same urge to know that I could leave the bus at the right stop.
Relieved about my discovery I leave the bus. Walking home I’m thinking that it’s no a bad thing to check your thoughts now and then to see if you’re thinking with your heart or with your head. It was my need to control a situation that gave me a unpleasant feeling, not the colour of the person blocking the door.
