Every time I open my mouth.. my mother comes out…
All the things you used to find annoying, seem to come out naturally. You start looking/sounding like your parents, once you get older.
I tried very hard not to sound like my mother but oh dear… it happens! I recognize my thoughts and hear me say what she used to say. What happened? Who am I? What have they done with the little rebel inside me?? Suddenly I think about worst case scenarios that might occur with my little rebel teenager. I hear me talking.. using the word ‘sensible’ a lot. Oops. .
If I get a text starting with ‘Mamm” I know a little sigh is coming. A text with “Please call me” will be followed by a big sigh from me. Growing up is falling flat on your face and getting up again. I see my child doing the same things I did. Making the same choices. I talked to my mother about my choices, but seeing the worry on her face made me even more persistent to do things my own way.
I’m happy with a certain % DNA from my father. That % gives me the ability to put things on hold for a while. That makes me realize I can’t help my child from making mistakes while she’s busy growing up. My father has a non judgemental way of thinking, with room for me to find my way in life, with room for me to come and cry about the mistakes I made while trying to figure life out.
I know my mother meant well and her fear came from looking in the mirror. That mirror being me. I did things she would never do or was to afraid of doing. Now I’m the mother, I look in the mirror thinking oh dear… I’m glad that I see that I have to let her go and do her thing.
She’s learns by doing, not by warning not to do things. She has her own mind. I have to see her way of learning as brave and have to believe she will get there by practising. She’s doing fine, my little rebel. I may sigh sometimes, but I can see she’s trying to find her way in the jungle of growing up.
If she’s like me, she will have the courage to learn to swim the other way, because she dares to and because it’s possible.
