“You’re doing it, Ernestine… you’re doing it” I can hear, just like Peter Banning heard in the food fight scene in ‘Hook’. Writing a book, how does it feel? Magical and scary and fun and stressful… All the elements that I’m describing in my book about my little ego called Betty. In the past years I’ve started writing a book on my ego several times and I stopped. This time, it was different, I had a feeling it would work.
We met Brian Canavan, Betty and me. He was just the person I needed to get me started. Somehow my ego was triggered by the challenge Brian gave us, to name a date when the book I wanted to write would be ready. Betty got ready for battle. Not against Brian, no… for the book. No way, we were going to fail on that deadline. Brian, our accountability check , made this a serious challenge. It seemed like a new mission for her. Brian would prove to be a great supporter during the creation of the book.
How to start writing a book? First of all, I had to get some duck tape and put it over my ego’s mouth. My ego was going wild. “Are we good enough to start a book?” “Will people actually read it?” “Isn’t this just free therapy overcoming themes from the past and the world is the silent psychiatrist?” I could go on for hours with the things my ego told me. Not a very helpful creature, my Betty. Did I mention my book is about… her, my ego? Imagine writing a book with an ego that is feeding you doubt with every chapter you try to write down.
I decided to just get started and put my fingers on the keyboard. The introduction. Right… I went over and over in my mind. What to say? I thought of how the name Betty was invented for my ego and the friends of mine who had named theirs too. I started telling about what happened that day and there it was.. my introduction.
So far so good. On to chapter one… I felt stuck. Betty was going on and on about how I was never going to get this book done. There was no line, no story with a chronological line… The funniest thing happened. One of my friends who is interested in writing a book too asked me how my book was coming along. The conversation I had with him made me see the light. I got it! I’m interviewing myself in my book. Chapter one was a fact.
Again I got stuck. Now what… I could her my little ego going in circles in my head. “You have to get a structure, there is no logic in your book!” she kept reminding me. I could visualize her, standing there… With her little foot tapping on the floor. I could picture her in numerous ways, when she was reacting to things I had feelings about. That was it! The image of her… I could get structure through her. I thanked the little diva in my head.
From there on I was in a flow. Chapter after chapter came out of my head on to the screen of my laptop. You might say WE were writing a book, because Betty was joining my on my journey. Lately it’s been like living my own chapter. I wrote a chapter about revenge and it was like my own self fulfilling prophecy, things started happening… I got into ‘trouble’ with someone and started having feelings about revenge. It’s a good thing I’m aware of my ego and what we are capable off, so after the chapter was finished I laughed my socks of. Oh dear, look what WE did.
It’s almost finished. The deadline is getting closer and closer. I just read the first two chapters before I wrote this blog. You know… I did pretty darn good.. I thought. My Betty had nothing to say. She agreed. Bangerang!
